75 Hard, Things Grandpa Said, More of What There Should Be and Other Perfectly Orchestrated Coincidences

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God is truly all wonderful and all powerful.

As of Monday, November 20th I have officially completed my 75 Hard. 75 days of working out twice per day for 45 minutes each, drinking a gallon of water, following a diet, no cheat meals, no alcohol, taking a progress photo and also reading 10 pages of nonfiction. No alterations to the program. If you fail a task, you must restart on Day 1.

I began this challenge as a positive step towards consistency in my life. My main goal is to become intentional and consistent.

Our loving God is two very important things: Intentional and consistent. Here are some other things that have lined up perfectly today to assure me on my path.

The day I finished was a Monday. According to my Grandpa, “the most happy day of the week.” Please read the photo attached of a letter my grandpa wrote about Monday and the many blessings we are each afforded every day, but that I will take the time to acknowledge each Monday because of him.

That same day I read an entry I have never read in the Big Book. It made me cry. It was from a woman who had spent a long time in the rooms and was discussing how even with all her clean time she was still struggling to express her needs to others. She wanted to stand off instead. I often find myself feeling this way. It feels more natural for me to attempt to isolate as an alcoholic even now nearly 4 years sober. I work to live a better life every day. I want to be someone who communicates and takes responsibility for my emotions.

This is the text that stood out to me the most from her: “Thank Heaven nothing is as bad as it used to be and there is so much more of what there should be in my life.”

A little sob escaped me. Thank Heaven indeed. I am so fortunate.

Also the day lined up so that I would be cooking lunch for all of God’s people out at House of Prayer. This meal that I cook will be the official anniversary of my service work with the ministry. One whole year of feeding his people. Feeding folks is a ministry that was given to me by my parents through their passion for the church and the divine steering of God towards all things food and feeding others. The most direct picture of this ministry was modeled to me by both of my dads throughout my life beginning when I was very young. My dad feeding the unhoused in California while our family was in mourning. My bonus dad feeding other families each year for the holidays and through his restaurants.

The same day I also was awarded my Community Engagement cord for my service work with House of Prayer, HDCA, Cleburne Chamber, SHINE and now even the backup. project. (Get involved at http://www.thebackupproject.com)

I will wear this when I graduate with my masters to signify my time in service to my community in the duration of my studies.

Some people may not even notice the divine timing of these things, and I will pray for their eyes to be opened. If life is a symphony and we are the orchestra then surely God is the greatest conductor of all.

I am thankful for a love so powerful that His goodness can be shown to me in such an extreme way.

It brings a tear to my eyes to write this. To know I am lucky enough to even be alive in this moment, to experience so many blessings all on one day. What a wonderful season of gratitude. It really is that simple.

If you have read this, thank you. I hope you will commit to beginning something for yourself that you have been putting off for some time. You are smart, capable and important enough to begin the work on or with yourself and God will be with you through it. I pray over all of your own victories as well and for all the moments when you get to suddenly realize that nothing is as bad as it was and that there is so much more of what should be in your life.

Thank you, God. Gracias, Papa Dios.

XOXO,

NBNealie

Grief by Land and Sea

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Every day since my best friend got pregnant I have become a master researcher in all things pregnancy, babies, baby safety, baby parties and Jesus. Especially Jesus, because I was appointed God Mother.

In fact, I downloaded one of those baby apps just to see what size her baby was every week. I often think back in amazement on how he started out the size of a sprinkle on a donut. At the start of the week I would send a text message. “Do you want to know how big baby is this week?” One week I even sent her a strawberry shirt to lounge in with a note, “This week baby is a strawberry! I am so berry excited!”

You see, I take my role very seriously because I am not having children of my own. Being invited to take part in such an important piece of a tiny human’s journey (their relationship with Papa Dios) has been the #1 privilege of my life.

In April we received a fatal diagnosis for my God Son that would result in almost instantaneous loss at his birth. In that moment I realized my role would be abridged. I had to shift my focus to getting him to heaven alongside my greatest friends of all and praying over all of this new, terrible and terrifying journey.

My God Son was born into heaven this August.

I cannot ever accurately put into words the grief associated with watching someone you love so much being coping with the loss of their own baby. The grief of months of preparation and planning and future building that seem to come to an abrupt end. The grief that ripples through the entire family.

The Rail Ride of Grief

It’s as if you’re on a train and you can’t get off of the train no matter how many stops it makes before yours. No matter how much speed it gains, time spend in holding on the side rails or how many stops it makes at places you would rather go instead, you’re stuck in the train car, watching through the windows, until your stop.

At some point it feels like you may never get off the train.

Until all of a sudden you do, you’re at the station. You have approximately 10 seconds to gather your bags and jump off all the while you find yourself pushed onto the platform instead. When you look back the train is gone. When you look down you’ve left most of your luggage.

At the station it seems like nothing you could have packed would have prepared you anyways, the weather is both too hot and too cold, it’s raining hard but the sun is out. You expected to find someone waiting for you, but they’re not here. You’ll have to walk the rest of the way home or call an Uber.

In my case, I decided I’d rather walk. We all know how unpredictable ride sharing can be.

Unused Furniture

If I’m honest with myself, every time I walk in my garage I cry just a little. At our house we prepared for our friends to not have to travel with much for us to spend time with them and Daniel. There is a little white high chair alongside all my stray boxes and decor. The chair gathers dust while it waits for him, while we all wait for him. He will never sit in it and that is something someone can never truly wrap their heart around.

Since August it is as if a part of my brain has been on hold. Waiting as well and gathering dust while we all wait for him. Hoping for the missing piece in our lives to click into place from somewhere. Perhaps holding to unload the new sadness that often feels like a case of broken celebratory champagne bottles in my heart. Maybe for answers or understanding, but I know some things pass all understanding.

A Healthy Respect for the Ocean

I have spent this past week on a cruise ship with my husband and our dear friends.

Each time I get on a boat I repeat to myself, “I have a healthy respect for the ocean.” As in, I’m not afraid of the ocean, but I’m aware of its depths, occasional roughness and its role as home to very large animals.

During this trip, while I look out at the vast, blue, deep ocean, I think of my own God Mother and how I throw up a hang loose sign just for her in all my photos while I enjoy life just as she instructed me to while she was on Earth with us. I think of Daniel, who I will not experience these things with on Earth.

I’ve also spent my fair share of time in the ocean while exploring. Just this week I kissed a stingray equal in size to myself and snorkeled a beautiful underwater national park.

The Beach of Grief

I rounded out my ocean time on one of my favorite private beaches. I find myself thinking that, over time, maybe grief can be like a beach.

The waves can be the overwhelming moments of grief with ebbs of everyday life, the sand at shore can be the happy moments or ways I cope or people who have loved me through these experiences, I will be just beyond the breaking wave on the soft sand and my sadness can remain the broken glass.

Some days, I know the grief will form in huge swells and my sadness will slam over the sand, my support system. The glass will spill over onto me where I sit on the land causing even more pain, but the tide will come back up again and take the glass back out into the waters.

Over time, the sharp, broken edges of my sadness will be worn away and whittled down into smoothness by the shores I’ve built. The memories of this sadness will hurt when they hurtle at full speed into the sand, but they will be more beautiful to remember and cherish, just like sea glass.

Today I am reminded that our darkest sadness and the brightest joys coexist every day in our temporary home on Earth. I am also reminded of the promise that one day we will all be together again without sadness or pain in our true home heaven. I take comfort in God’s promise to us. I give my sadness over to Jesus for him to turn into sea glass.

“Blessed are they that mourn: for they shall be comforted.” Matthew 5:4

XOXO,

NBNealie

Bad Service and Good Tips

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When I was in college my god mom passed away from cancer. Everyone made their way out to California to celebrate her life, to eat together as a family and to mourn.

Something about Aunt Vicki is that she was very intentional and loving with the plans for her death. She asked to schedule at a time that would be best for mine and my cousin’s (her other god child) studies. There would never have been a best time for one of the worst days in my life, but that doesn’t make the sentiment any less important or meaningful.

My entire life paused for one whole week along with my family. No school, no work and if I’m honest I can’t remember doing any of anything else either. But like my dad always says, you have to start splashing a little water on your face and keep going.

One morning after the funeral I finally splashed some water on my face to get back to work. I was a waitress and my first shift back I had to take a 30 top on the patio that no one wanted.

They were greeted late, their food came out wrong, they had two kids accidentally dump their food, I was stressed and my actual section was far away. They didn’t get awesome service, but I just made sure to smile and do what I could do in the moment for them one thing at a time.

It was multiple families and when they went to tab out I could tell they didn’t want to tip me. Their service was not good so I understood their frustration. One woman asked if I was okay because I seemed overwhelmed. I told her my god mom had just passed and it was my first shift back. She handed me a $100 tip and said she was glad I showed up for work that day. I started crying.

The other parents understood then and by the time all the families rounded up their tips I had pretty much equal to their bill to take home with me.

It would’ve made more sense for those people not to tip me at all. They didn’t even tip me over my service, they tipped out of kindness.

Because that woman took the time to be kind and ask me what happened instead of assuming I didn’t care about my work, she was able to step in and help in my life. I had been out of work for over a week and that act helped me catch up on my expenses.

That was just about 8 years ago now and I will always remember the kindness from these strangers.

What is something you have taken the extra step to do out of kindness recently?

XOXO,

NBNealie

Hey Look Ma I Made it!

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At the start of 2022, I began manifesting a 40 Under 40 award for myself. I’ve been working hard at my day job marketing our businesses to the local community. Six months into the year of manifestation I got an email from the editor of our local newspaper asking me to send over a headshot and a bio because I was a local 20 Under 40 recipient.

I have never organized a photo shoot with six outfit changes so quickly in my entire life. Lucky for me my fiance is an excellent portrait photographer. The publication was released this past month and because I am who I am I designed myself my own award. Then of course, because I am who I am (part II) I conspired with my other wonderful friend who also received the award and we went about planning our own reception for all of the winners and I designed every last one an award to be framed.

The announcement I designed for myself.

I have to say the real star of the show in my award is most definitely the headshots which I would not have without London. Here’s more of this fabulous work. We took all of these in the span of an hour and even started shooting late, but didn’t miss the sun.

Anyway, that’s all for now!

XOXO

NBNealie

Nothing But A Revival

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Wow, my last blog post was published in 2018. I quit writing for a lot of reasons, but the number one reason was that I felt I didn’t have any extra time for it. When I got my degree in journalism writing because my job, and in a lot of ways it still is my job, so writing for fun just didn’t seem all that fun anymore.

Since I published my last blog I’ve turned 26, which is the oldest I’ve ever been. Isn’t that a weird concept? How are we ever supposed to be an expert in being a whatever-year-old when we only get 365 days to master it. I definitely haven’t mastered being a whatever-year-old but after 26 years I can say with (probably a disturbing amount) of confidence that I have mastered being a Nealie.

Can I tell you about one of the craziest things I’ve done since we last talked? I changed my Instagram handle. I am no longer NothingButNealie most places across the web, I’m November Elisabeth. When I changed my user name I cried. It felt a little silly, but it seemed like the end of an era to me. If I wasn’t NothingButNealie anymore than who was I? It turns out no matter what I call myself, where I am or who I’m with I’m still Nealie inside and those feelings subsided.

So, why the change? Well, in all this time I’ve actually become a semi-professional cosplayer. Being a professional just means you get paid to do it right? For that reason I say semi-professional because truth be told you probably give your piggy bank more coins for sitting on your shelf than TikTok will give me for two hours of full body paint and an extra hour of acting.

All that said, I do hope to write for leisure a bit more while I’m at this new point in my life and especially after I graduate with my masters in the winter. I know what you’re thinking, she didn’t even tell us about that part yet. I haven’t but I assure you I will eventually.

For now you can keep up with me around the internet a few places.

@novemberelisabeth

https://www.instagram.com/novemberelisabeth/

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCsfSnMMkuoNdFXqo_jvLhaA

You can also listen to my new podcast, here. I’m giving y’all the sneak peek as my oldest and most loyal readers, but it will start coming out on my other blog The Cleburnite soon!

Don’t worry, I’ll see you sooner than later.

XOXO,

NothingButNealie

Feelin’ 22 – the things I learned

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Hello all,

I have to admit that I thought in my adulthood I would be able to blog more. I am, after all, the master of my time now. I bow to no college schedule and I have a stable job, therefore I should probably have more time to write for fun… I was quite wrong in this assumption friends. In fact, I write so much in my professional life that I’ve begun using text speak, “R U on ur way 2 coffee?”

Nevertheless, I have completed my 22nd trip around the sun and here are 26 of the things I have learned in my life up until this point.

1.) Break up with friends too. It’s okay. Even if it seems 10X more dramatic and sad than a normal breakup.

2.) Your car is going to break down. Likely at the worst possible time. I’m really, really sorry. Just don’t panic.

3.) Wow, living alone is tough, but you can totally do it.

4.) Be patient and kind until someone is only taking advantage of that patience and kindness.

5.) Give out good and remove bad.

6.) You’ll have to make things okay by yourself sometimes. It’s okay if you’re your own hero. That doesn’t make you lonely, it makes you strong.

7.) Shut up and listen.

8.) Do the thing you’re afraid of.

9.) It’s a take-a-penny, leave-a-penny kind of life.

10.) You are going to be selfish sometimes, you just are. That’s okay as long as you don’t do wrong by another person.

11.) Apologize like an adult: “I’m sorry I (X), and I understand it made you feel (X). If you forgive me, in the future I’m going to do (X) to make sure this doesn’t happen again because I value and respect your feelings.”

12.) Realize how great you really are. Write a list, make a post, take a photo, tell a friend. Whatever you need to do in the moment to remind yourself of that.

13.) Love on an equal amount of people who are like you and who are different than you. You’ll find em. Keep em close – they’ll round out your character.

14.) Listening and being understanding are key. You don’t always get to problem solve the way you want to. Sometimes to be a good friend or partner you will have to settle things their way.

15.) Be love. Be patience. Be respect. Do not be a doormat.

16.) Face it head-on. That scares some people, but not you.

17.) Don’t date anyone who doesn’t like your dog. I did that once and honestly what a psycho.

18.) Sometimes you don’t get closure. That’s fine. You’re good enough knowing you removed yourself from something that hurt you. That’s your closure. Go you.

19.) There’s a huge difference in being afraid and being a coward. Learn that difference.

20.) Start a new season of life and just run. Don’t go back for what you left. Run.

21.) A lion need not announce himself as such. A lioness need not announce herself as such.

22.) It’s so okay to be mad. It’s so not okay to be consumed by anger. Feel things and actively work through them!

23.) Handle terrible things how you want. People deal with things differently. There isn’t a black and white right/wrong way.

24.) You’re gonna make some weird, questionable choices.

25.) You’re going to have to redeem yourself after some weird, questionable choices.

26.) Without fail – as long as you’re not harming others – you’re 10X more bad ass than you are giving yourself credit for.

XOXO,

NBNealie

Happy New Year NBN!

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Hello and welcome to 2018.

The past year I navigated some of the most difficult terrains of my young adult life. However, I lived and if you’re reading this you certainly also lived. Congrats.

Each year I try and put myself on a schedule with NBN and each year the schedule just hasn’t worked for me. Why? Well, after 21 years I have officially pinpointed the problem. I’ve been no good at keeping a schedule. Instead, I’ve been free-form documenting my life via my social media channels.

Rest assured that this year most of my resolutions will stay stored in my journal. This new approach will (hopefully) help me work on self-motivation and getting things done, on a schedule, like an adult.

A lot of things smacked me in the face in 2017 and the top of the list is definitely adulthood.

Cheers to working on myself and being adult-ish in 2018.

XOXO,

NBNealie

Work, Flowers and Catnip

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This week my act of kindness is infinitely less important than the act of kindness that I received. To set the scene let it be known that due to my university’s parking situation I am almost always barely sneaking through the door of French class to make it on time. Any given morning that I am squeaking through the door I am under caffeinated and over capacity for the morning, but this past Thursday I said, “Nay, not on this glorious day of rigorous skills testing!” I didn’t have time for the good stuff (namely my regular cappuccino) but I had time to pop into 7/11 for some good old fashioned joe and creamer. At the register I had coffee in one hand, my backpack on backwards fishing for my wallet and my laptop perched perilously between my chin and backwards backpack. Not an ideal situation, BUT I feel inclined to again mention the importance of caffeine in my life. Meanwhile this nice man at the register beside me had just finished up paying for his coffee as well as the gentleman next to him. He was just about to turn and leave when he asked the woman helping at my register to ring my coffee up at his register. I was still a little unclear as to what was going on because my pre-coffee brain can only process so many things at once and I was already in the middle of my poor multitasking. I finally snatched my debit card from my wallet and flashed a victory smile at the cashier… Who was at the other register. I probably had gigantic question mark eyeballs. THEN I finally caught on. That nice gentleman said my coffee was on him! What a fantastic morning! Happy Thursday to me! Thank you kind sir! I let him know that I would most certainly be passing it forward and that I appreciated his charitable coffee gift.

I realized that what you put into the universe you truly do get back tenfold. I couldn’t help but wonder how that coffee trip would have went if I hadn’t spent these past few weeks injecting positivity into the universe. My unscientific guess is: much differently. The tenfold rule had always kept me from being a jerk (for the most part) but I didn’t realize the impact it could have on the positive interactions in my life. I’m excited to buy someone’s coffee next week.

Video:

In other news my friend Robin and I bought 133 stems of flowers for $0.02 a piece and I bought my kitty catnip for the first time. Also, I managed to get dog pee on my outfit this morning and I can’t stop smelling it.

XOXO,

NBNealie

Debates, French and Paint

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This week has been pretty much full to the brim in debates, French and paint. In (1/3) part due to my act of kindness for the week. This week I organized a private debate group on Facebook with people who were interested in discussing all kinds of issues within the confines of an intellectual space. So a gathered some of the best minds I know with differing opinions and set up an internet debate space. Debate one went really well and everyone had an equal chance to hit their main points and ideas. The thing about philosophical debates is that you never debate to see who wins or who was right… In fact by the end of a philosophical debate if you come out with more questions than you previously had you probably did something right.

Vlog #6 was a deep dive into time lapse experiments and complaints about French. C’est la vie:

And as far as paint goes… We are painting the walls at one of my jobs and let me tell you… I. Made. A. Mess. Paint in my hair, on my arm, stuck under my fingernails. Paint might be my new mortal enemy. Cheers to another week!

XOXO,

NBNealie

Storms, Glam and School

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Hey everybody!

I didn’t get much footage in this week because it was my first week back to college. Never you fear, now that I know what my schedule looks like it’s going to be much easier to balance NBN with my education and jobs. In this weeks teeny tiny vlog I WAS LITERALLY STRANDED AT MY DAD’S BECAUSE OF A STORM… Among other things. My boyfriend and I purchased our first adult bedroom set that actually matches, I got to listen to good music, school started (which is amazing so far) and I even saw my two best friends this week. All in all it’s been an amazing start to my 2017 and I’m still finding ways to film and share more of that. I’m planning some major improvement for next week and beyond so stay tuned.

On to how I was kind:

For this weeks act of kindness I befriended a random transfer student that I sat next to in one of my philosophy courses and showed him the best coffee spot on campus. It was his first day and probably easily confusing moving from one college campus to another. (He said that he was so lost he had to use Waze for campus directions.) After mapping out his schedule with him and chugging my favorite mug of joe he seemed a lot more confident about the rest of his school day. Things like that can go to show you that even in the most simple ways you can be a person that exudes kindness.